Yeti Comes Up With Some Fundraising Ideas

Oops. You weren’t supposed to see that. In fact, there’s nothing to see here… Just working on financing my campaign as Ruler of the Universe. We all need money, see? And I have some ideas to run by you.

Imagine an amphitheater.

Now imagine it filled with a vast crowd of excited fans, eager to see an incredible show…

And then everyone gathered gets to experience a unique, once-in-a-lifetime movie screening. The film would be filled with action and unbelievable stunts by Snitch and Twitch. And, most importantly, each person there will have purchased a ticket. I’ve heard some concert tickets go for about $2000. That sounds about right to me!

Or, maybe it’s one of those marathon fundraiser thingies. You know, where people pledge $5(00) per mile walked or rowed or jump-roped or spun or ping-ponged. Don’t worry. We’ll do all the actual work. You’ll just cough up the cash. We promise to be honest about the miles paddled.

… Or, we could provide a service for people. Then we could use that money for my campaign. Here’s a recent entrepreneurial venture of ours: we offer advice and encouragement to you and your friends and relations. In fact, I’d say we were a crucial contributor to the project of an innovative software engineer/ video game designer. He would never have succeeded without us.

(Also, see how many big words I know? I’m way overqualified to run the universe.)

…OR, we could host a banquet for a bunch of people interested in a cause. Let’s say, salmon. We could trick tell them how much we appreciate their work with the salmon (just fill in your favorite cause). And that we’d like to help.

Then, after we raise the millions of dollars, we’ll promise to use it in future to help (once we have the power of office). Then we’ll take the money and run use it to further our shared goal. That’s called a “bait and switch”. Salmon love that stuff.

And, of course, we’ll always accept direct contributions. Just visit your nearest mailbox to drop off your check, money order, cash, or credit card. Thanks in advance!

I’m ready to watch the money come pouring in. Can’t wait to hear from you!

-Yeti